Here we go!
Twenty-five guys, a perfect postseason roster, fill the ranks of this year’s playoff teams’ 40-man rosters. Plus a former Mariner ace on IR, another who chose not to play under Rona Risk, and a couple honorable mentionables. Some of these guys are “who?” …and as of this writing, just 24 hours into the postseason, a few have already gone south on Elimination Street. But laugh as we may at them now, they each took their season farther than Jerry’s Boys from Dave Niehaus Avenue. Read ’em and wonder. Click the names for stats and such.
Atlanta Braves – Tommy Milone, and the opted-out Felix Hernandez. Gotta suck for The King… still no postseason for him. Hope he has a good TV.
Chicago Cubs – Cameron Maybin. Last year, Yankees. Now the Cubs. It’s his ninth franchise and he’s only 33.
Chicago White Sox – Edwin Encarnacion, Jarrod Dyson. Power and speed.
Cincinnati Reds – Wade Miley. 4 teams — Orioles, Brewers, Astros, Reds — since he left town. Seems to get to the postseason on the regular though.
Cleveland Indians – nobody. Does this give them an edge? Their ace got clubbed by the Yankees in Game One and they face elimination tonight.
Houston Astros – Also nobody, thankfully, on this cheating squad. Sadly honorable mention goes to Michael Brantley, son of 1980s Mariner Mickey Brantley.
Los Angeles Dodgers – Chris Taylor, contender for the 2017 ExMotY when he jacked the first pitch over the fence against the Astros, as documented right here at Playin’ in the Dirt, live from the Brown Lantern in Anacortes. Bummer the Dodgers not only lost the series to the Asterisks… Chris lost out to our man Munenori Kawasaki.
Miami Marlins – Nick Vincent.
Milwaukee Brewers – Five guys! Including ExMotY favorite Large Adult Son Daniel Vogelbach, plus Omar Narvaez, David Freitas, Ben Gamel, Ryon Healy, with the backstory of course that little Owen Freitas is reunited with his Uncle Vogey and gets to hear Baby Shark again. Honorable mention, Logan Morrison who was released in August after going to the Rays, Twins, Phillies, and Brewers since leaving Seattle.
Notorious VOG, back when he was ours.
Minnesota Twins – Michael Pineda, Nelson Cruz. One the former future of Mariner pitching until he got traded for Jesus. Seriously, Jesus. And one the former handsome face of Mariner power. And both now out of the playoffs at the hands of the Houston Cheatstros.
New York Yankees – J.A. Happ, James Paxton (on the IL). Funny, the Bombers are known as a giant funnel for ex-Mariners on their way to greatness… but not so much this year. Unless JA looks better than this…
Last time we saw Playoff J.A., he looked like a shellshocked Judge Rheinhold.
After getting shelled.
Oakland A’s – nobody!
San Diego Padres – Emilio Pagan, Dan Altavilla, Taylor Williams, Austin Nola, Abraham Almonte, Is there a hero in this bunch? Swear to god, Rizzser told us Almonte was the fastest guy he’d ever seen. That was in 2013. Now he’s 5’10”, 223. And he’s in the playoffs.
St. Louis Cards – Tyler O’Neill, who raised ire and eyebrows when traded for some dude named Marco Gonzales, and Brad Miller, who just feels like he shows up somewhere on this list every year and we’re like really? That guy again?
Tampa Bay Devil Rays – Mike Zunino, his .147 average, and his home run in Game Two today to help eliminate the Jays. The man is a puzzlement.
Toronto Blue Jays – Taijuan Walker, Anthony Bass. Bummer, Taijuan was going to start Game Three. Not this year, man.
Here we go!
Twenty-five guys, a perfect postseason roster, fill the ranks of this year’s playoff teams’ 40-man rosters. Plus a former Mariner ace on IR, another who chose not to play under Rona Risk, and a couple honorable mentionables. Some of these guys are “who?” …and as of this writing, just 24 hours into the postseason, a few have already gone south on Elimination Street. But laugh as we may at them now, they each took their season farther than Jerry’s Boys from Dave Niehaus Avenue. Read ’em and wonder. Click the names for stats and such.
Atlanta Braves – Tommy Milone, and the opted-out Felix Hernandez. Gotta suck for The King… still no postseason for him. Hope he has a good TV.
Chicago Cubs – Cameron Maybin. Last year, Yankees. Now the Cubs. It’s his ninth franchise and he’s only 33.
Chicago White Sox – Edwin Encarnacion, Jarrod Dyson. Power and speed.
Cincinnati Reds – Wade Miley. 4 teams — Orioles, Brewers, Astros, Reds — since he left town. Seems to get to the postseason on the regular though.
Cleveland Indians – nobody. Does this give them an edge? Their ace got clubbed by the Yankees in Game One and they face elimination tonight.
Houston Astros – Also nobody, thankfully, on this cheating squad. Sadly honorable mention goes to Michael Brantley, son of 1980s Mariner Mickey Brantley.
Los Angeles Dodgers – Chris Taylor, contender for the 2017 ExMotY when he jacked the first pitch over the fence against the Astros, as documented right here at Playin’ in the Dirt, live from the Brown Lantern in Anacortes. Bummer the Dodgers not only lost the series to the Asterisks… Chris lost out to our man Munenori Kawasaki.
Miami Marlins – Nick Vincent.
Milwaukee Brewers – Five guys! Including ExMotY favorite Large Adult Son Daniel Vogelbach, plus Omar Narvaez, David Freitas, Ben Gamel, Ryon Healy, with the backstory of course that little Owen Freitas is reunited with his Uncle Vogey and gets to hear Baby Shark again. Honorable mention, Logan Morrison who was released in August after going to the Rays, Twins, Phillies, and Brewers since leaving Seattle.
Notorious VOG, back when he was ours.
Minnesota Twins – Michael Pineda, Nelson Cruz. One the former future of Mariner pitching until he got traded for Jesus. Seriously, Jesus. And one the former handsome face of Mariner power. And both now out of the playoffs at the hands of the Houston Cheatstros.
New York Yankees – J.A. Happ, James Paxton (on the IL). Funny, the Bombers are known as a giant funnel for ex-Mariners on their way to greatness… but not so much this year. Unless JA looks better than this…
Last time we saw Playoff J.A., he looked like a shellshocked Judge Rheinhold.
After getting shelled.
Oakland A’s – nobody!
San Diego Padres – Emilio Pagan, Dan Altavilla, Taylor Williams, Austin Nola, Abraham Almonte, Is there a hero in this bunch? Swear to god, Rizzser told us Almonte was the fastest guy he’d ever seen. That was in 2013. Now he’s 5’10”, 223. And he’s in the playoffs.
St. Louis Cards – Tyler O’Neill, who raised ire and eyebrows when traded for some dude named Marco Gonzales, and Brad Miller, who just feels like he shows up somewhere on this list every year and we’re like really? That guy again?
Tampa Bay Devil Rays – Mike Zunino, his .147 average, and his home run in Game Two today to help eliminate the Jays. The man is a puzzlement.
Toronto Blue Jays – Taijuan Walker, Anthony Bass. Bummer, Taijuan was going to start Game Three. Not this year, man.
I wonder if someone could write a computer program that would take digitally stored recordings of Seattle radio announcers saying the Mariners names from broadcasts back in the day when they played in Seattle, and anytime a current announcer says that players name on a live broadcast, it inserts the old Seattle announcer saying the name in real time. I mean if we can put somebody on the moon… or pretend to. You wouldn’t happen to know anybody with a computer science degree???
Great idea. Bring dead guys back. Not just players’ names, but situations too.
Ron Fairly: “Y’know Rick, you come out here long enough, pretty soon you’re gonna see something you never saw before.” “When you strike out… nothing happens!”
Bob Robertson (Seattle Angels, late 60s): “Always be a good sport, be a good sport all ways.”
Niehaus: “Swung on and belted!”
What’s the time delay? A few seconds? Should be plenty to pop in new vocals in the right spot.
They could use the same technique to blot out Mike Blowers cliches.